What do the Greens have against traffic jams, anyway?

On looking at the Greens' new public transport policy for Melbourne, my first reaction, obviously, was - where are the bloody freeways? You're spending $13.7 billion on new rail, tram and bus infrastructure and no major new tollway in sight? What was wrong with Eddington's $18 billion "let's build more roads" plan? Where's the commitment to gridlock? To shoving more cars on the roads?

Do YOU want your children to grow up in a world where they've never had to spend hours twiddling their thumbs idling uncomfortably (and expensively) in a traffic jam? Where they've never even bothered to own a car because it was unnecessary? Where petrol prices inspire mild curiosity rather than full-scale panic? Where the daily commute is an opportunity to relax reading a book or doing a crossword rather than a source of frustration and boredom?

Because apparently these shameless hippies do.

The Greens are a menace. Their reasonably-priced, entirely sensible public transport plan to save the city from becoming an unliveable, polluted, annoying mess, is a threat to all we hold dear today. I call for them to be entirely ignored and this policy to receive no media coverage whatsoever, lest a gullible public realise that it actually does have a real alternative at election time and there be a chance of these terrifyingly non-terrifying proposals being implemented.

Okay? Shhhh.