An Onymous Lefty: Hand over the money or the financial system gets it

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hand over the money or the financial system gets it

Do you know what I think is most depressing about the reaction to the Republican Administration's plan to give $US 700 billion with no strings attached to one guy who can then give it to the rich guys who've dragged the US into a financial black hole in the hopes that it'll somehow save the system (which otherwise WORKS REALLY WELL and the government should STAY CLEAR OUT OF IT) from imploding? It's how cynical and downright mean everyone's being about it.

For some reason, just giving $US 700 billion to some guy who hopefully (since there's no oversight or limit on what he decides to do with it) knows a really good way to spend it, is seen by American voters as a little dodgy. Slightly off. Completely fvcking batshit insane, if you will.

But imagine if we don't!

Nice financial system you've got here - it'd be a shame if anything were to happen to it...

Imagine the worst thing imaginable and then double it. Imagine absolute poverty for you and your children and your children's children, and then imagine that there's also a plague of stinging bitey fire ants. AT THE SAME TIME. It could happen, at any moment. If we don't give Henry Paulson $US 700 billion immediately.

Immediately!

What these people - these financially illiterate plebs with votes - don't seem to understand is that it's URGENT. Giving a stupidly huge sum of money to some unelected official and hoping he can solve all our problems is THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE LEFT. And time's running out! Now! Quick! Hand it over! Before it's too late! Before he changes his mind and no longer WANTS that $US 700 billion!

Sorry, you took too long and I've changed my mind - you can keep your money. I'm not going to help you after all.

Is that what you want, America?

I mean - what else are you going to do with $US 700 billion? Build housing for the people about to be evicted by the banks? Buy part of these dodgy loans to enable people to pay them back at a rate they can afford? Provide healthcare? What, are you nuts? That's socialism! It's un-American! No, the only way is to throw an inconceivably huge wad of taxpayers' money at one former banker and leave the whole thing entirely up to him.

And don't get me started on all the politicians, facing elections in November, who are refusing to support the plan just because voters hate it. Just because they are too stupid to realise how absolutely vital doing something ridiculous is, doesn't mean the politicians seeking to be re-elected shouldn't just do it anyway. Isn't that what democracy is all about?

In summary: give that amazingly incorruptible perfect and super smart guy the $US 700 billion he apparently needs to save us. It's the only way! There's no time to think about it!

Trust us!

ELSEWHERE: If you've got some over-valued crap you want Washington to take off your hands...

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The contents of this blog are entirely fictional (and often ridiculous), intended only to amuse, or to provoke lively, non-libellous discussion. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, even if they have the same names and are exactly alike in every respect except for a potentially defamatory one. Posts are written in character, not as Jeremy Sear (even the ones suspiciously marked "Jeremy"). Opinions expressed on the blog do not in any binding sense represent the views of any organisation of which the author is a member, or the views of the author himself, even when he says that they do (it'll be in character, you see?). Links to external sites should not be taken as endorsement of their content or views. The fact that this site is written in English is not intended to be construed as an insult to other world languages, all of which the author respects greatly, even the stupid ones that are bound to die out within a generation.

Pretending To Be Me

Bizarrely enough, there are a few sad morons out there on the intertubes pretending to be me - commenting on other blogs as "MrLefty" or "Jeremy Sear" (using the same image of Blackadder), copying my posts into new blogs (or trying to steal my actual ones) but slightly changing the text to invert its meaning, and generally being obnoxious in an attempt to sully my good name (or pseudonym).

So if you see something purporting to be from me that seems to be completely opposite to what I argue here (for example, if I suddenly start attacking the Greens and I'm not being sarcastic) - then it's not me. It's one of the trolls. Please delete the spiteful hack's drivel.