Cheap petrol, cheap petrol, cheap petrol

As an idiot sometime voter who pays no attention to anything going on unless it seems to affect my wallet directly, I'm very concerned about the price of petrol. It keeps going up!!! (I assume only in Australia.) And I am looking to vote for whichever major party is prepared to patronise me the most on the subject.

From the soundgrabs I've heard through other people at work, the Coalition - the one headed by that banker, what's his name, Brendan Turnbull? - is offering me five cents a litre off whatever silly price petrol has jumped to in three years. I like that. It's not just a good idea, it's obvious - why hasn't someone done it already? And why only five cents? Since I assume cutting the petrol tax has no negative side effects whatsoever, why not cut it by fifty cents or more? Man, I'd save twenty bucks a tank. That would be awesome.

On the other hand, the Labor Party is apparently offering me a website that will tell me where the cheapest petrol is on any given day. The radio station I have in the ute does the same thing sometimes, but I can't say I've ever used it.

So I think I'm tending towards the Liberals on this one. The important thing is that both parties continue to pander to my ignorance and don't address any real solutions to our dependency on petrol - such as by giving me decent public transport options so I can commute by train and don't have to even worry about filling the car with petrol. Sorry, don't know what came over me in the second half of that last sentence - the point is, please continue playing me for a simple-minded moron.

I will vote for whichever of you treats me with the most contempt.